The Wedding Anniversary Party

 Note: This is an accompanying story to one published June 2023, Must-Have Wedding Gifts of the 1870s and '80s."

Today when we marry, we safely assume our spouse will be alive in five years – and in 10 or 15 years. Maybe because this was not a given for our ancestors in the 1870s and ‘80s, wedding anniversary parties of those early milestone years were popular in many circles. Today, even if we threw a party for our fifth or tenth or 15th wedding anniversary, we would not expect the guests to bring presents. But beginning in the 1870s, Victorians did. The newspapers made note of the gifts.

     “Gifts were numerous and appropriate.” 

     “The wedding gifts were numerous and costly and bore generous evidence of the popularity of the newly-married couple.”

     “Many elegant, costly and useful gifts added their attestation to the spoken words of the earnest esteem of the donors.”

     “The wedding gifts were numerous and costly as well as being serviceable.”

     Victorians regarded material displays of esteem and the number of attendees at events as crucial expressions of worth. This was often explicitly stated. So piles of presents at a wedding and subsequent anniversary, and piles of “floral expressions” at funerals were important. 

     In many cases, the newspapers listed the gifts along with the giver. They often followed the “correct” gifts for the year - a fifth anniversary was supposed to come with gifts of wood; a tenth anniversary was a tin anniversary with gifts of tin expected. But popular wedding gift items of the day, such as pickle castors and anything silver or in cut glass were also frequently given. It seems odd now. But then, if you didn’t get a bedroom set or an inkstand as a wedding gift, perhaps you would receive one at a fifth or tenth anniversary.

     For information on popular wedding gifts of the period, see my article, “Wedding Gift Must-Haves of the 1870s and ‘80s.” In the article, I limited my search only to Kansas, as I had ancestors living there. Below are examples of anniversary celebrations and gift-giving in Kansas in the same time period. The women’s names are almost all unknown as couples were overwhelmingly identified in articles only as Mr. and Mrs. [man’s name]. 

An advertisement for ordinary household goods, some of which were appropriate for a wooden or tin anniversary

Wooden Wedding Anniversaries - The Fifth Year

     In 1879 friends stuck to the wooden gift theme for Mr. and Mrs. James Allen of Leavenworth. Gifts included a sideboard, lady’s easy chair, gentleman’s easy chair, wall mantel, book bracket, Japanese work basket, table and armchair, willow basket, panel picture, cedar pails, a lemon squeezer, and an adjustable rolling pin.

     In 1886 Mr. and Mrs. George Anderson of Ryansville also received strictly wooden gifts such as a carpenter’s ruler and pencil, a broom, mouse trap, bread bowl, butter print, and a basket of kitchen utensils.

     Also in 1886, the friends of Mr. and Mrs. G.R. Troutwine of Winfield went in together to give the couple “a beautiful and costly bedroom set.”

     Mr. and Mrs. C.A. Phillips of Waverly, received a fine parlor set and center table given by a long list of donors. They also received a clothes basket, paper rack, oil painting, camp rocker, ink well and stand, and “a large box containing a variety of good things.” 

     Mr. and Mrs. P.L. Walker of Olathe hosted an all-day affair in 1889. Older folks came by day and talked crops and politics. The younger ones arrived in the evening for a dance and cards. Several spent the night. Gifts included a wash stand, towels, a center table, bracket shelf, side table, coat and hat brackets, two turkeys, tin bucket, a coffee pot, tea pot and a dipper.

Tin Anniversaries - The Ten-Year

     Fifth and tenth wedding anniversary parties were usually presented as a surprise given by friends. “Surprise” birthday parties from the 1870s at least till the end of the century also seemed to be the norm. For a Cottonwood Falls couple Mr. and Mrs. M.W. Gilmore in 1887 the surprise was said to be complete as Mrs. Gilmore was away from home and Mr. Gilmore was stacking millet when the first of four carriages arrived. Seventy-five friends including their minister attended. The tin theme wasn’t completely forgotten, but was rather loosely adhered to. Gifts included two spring rockers, a child’s rocker, an office chair, flour scoop, two cuspidors, a pickle castor, walnut coat rack, black walnut dressing case and commode, a dozen napkins, a dozen fruit cans, three flour sifters, a foot bath, egg beater, cake pan, cake dish, colander, fruit knife, stew kettle, gas can, slop pail, “a book for Walton from his uncle,” and a bouquet of flowers.

     In contrast, when Hon. T.J. Emlen, a Democratic legislator representing Atchison, and his wife threw a party to celebrate their tenth in 1877, the newspaper reported, “The host and hostess found themselves surrounded by tinware of every variety. Tin to the right of them, tin to the left of them, tin in front of them glittered and glistened.” 

Crystal Anniversaries - Fifteen Years

     Mr. and Mrs. Peter Byram of Atchison were “surprised” by friends in 1874. On their center table were placed a fruit dish of glass in a silver stand, a Bohemian vase, a pickle dish and card stand, each in a silver case, and a dozen goblets. On another table was a glass pitcher, a paperweight holding the American flag, half a dozen salt cups, a pair of spoon holders, perfume bottles, and an inkstand and boat given by their oldest son. The couple repeated their vows in front of about 100 friends and family members before sitting down to a dinner. 

     In 1881 Mr. and Mrs. S.S. Kirkpatrick were convinced to come to the Equitable Aid Union Hall in Fredonia by their friends. They received “probably the finest and most valuable gifts ever presented to any couple in this city.” These included a silver table set with cake basket, sugar bowl, cream pitcher, spoon holder, pickle castor, butter dish and syrup can. They also got an “elegant” hanging lamp, a “full glass table set,” crystal vases, a water pitcher, a gold ring, plush photo albums, “etc.” 

     Six days later, Mr. and Mrs. G. McFadden, also of Fredonia, who had “decided to let the event pass without celebrating it,” were surprised by 40 or 50 couples who descended on their home bearing gifts. A hanging lamp, large mirror, cake basket, china cups, a set of glassware, a “chamber set,” a framed motto and “other articles of utility and ornament” were given. Chamber sets were chamber pots and washbowl and pitcher combos. 

     

China Anniversaries - Twenty Years

     It was typical for a long list of friends to go in together on a complete china set of 86 or more pieces. This was true for a Mr. and Mrs. Lighty of Larned in 1885, who invited friends to help them celebrate. A full 28 couples and two single young men went in on the china set. They received other china gifts such as a mustache cup, pair of vases and a bread plate – and one special gift that wasn’t china. Bart Welch gave a sugar box full of sugar.

     The wealthiest couples, those most capable of buying themselves china, received the most gifts, such as Judge Waters and wife of Fort Scott at their 1880 party. A china chamber set, a complete china dinner set, a china tea set, 18 china fruit dishes, Majolica pitchers, platters, tea pots, a nut dish, butter dish, card receiver, plates, soup tureen, a hanging lamp and much more were given to this couple. 

     Although a later anniversary, Mr. and Mrs. John McCune’s 30th, also featured a complete china set. The party was given by their children, who presented them with a 96-piece china set, spread out on a table under a tree in the yard. Mr. McCune rose to speak “We have lived simple farmers’ lives, and reared our children so they might be humble and useful citizens.” He said such a set thirty years ago would have been far too fancy for them. “We feel grateful, not so much for the value [of the china set] but for the motive which induced you to perform this act of kindness.”

Fiftieth Anniversaries

     Of course what we regard as the most significant of anniversaries was prized by the Victorians. By the fiftieth, presents were generally (though not always) fewer, with symbolic and sentimental meaning. Unlike today, the newspapers usually noted the couple was now in their “declining years.” The fiftieth, which brought adult children back to the home, stirred thoughts of “the final gathering home, with no unbroken circle,” as “Grandma and Grandpa Yocum” were reminded at their 1887 Atwood party.

     The Osage County Chronicle devoted four columns to Philetus and Louisa Beverly’s big  celebration, complete with full speeches given by the guests which included discussion of changes in the country over 50 years, prayers and favorite bible quotes. 

     Gifts were generally fewer but extra-special, as for Mr. and Mrs. E.J. Emery of Seneca, who in 1886 received a gold-headed cane for him and a golden thimble for her. Their minister gave them a golden clock after they renewed their vows. Similarly, Adonijah and Margaret Bower of Larned both received gold-headed ebony canes - the newspaper explaining that Mrs. Bower had used a cane for some time, and gold-bowed spectacles. There were unnamed individual gifts and an autograph album. 

     Interestingly, the wives were finally named in almost all the fiftieth anniversary write-ups. 

Elite or Common?

     Who were the people having anniversary celebrations in the years before the big milestones of silver and gold? Who would have a fifth or tenth party filled with presents? Was it only a phenomenon of the upper class? It’s hard to say. Many written about in the newspapers were prominent, such as doctors, dentists, lawyers, congressmen, a college president. In very small towns it was probably also the financially better-off couples.

     In 1885 in Waterville, Kansas, two couples, J.M. and Addie Clark Searles and their friends George and Mollie Robbins Stevenson, celebrated their mutual fifth anniversaries. J.M. Searles was an attorney who had lost his first wife. George Stevenson, Jr. was the son of a city councilman who owned George Stevenson & Son, a general store and grocery. Waterville had a population of about 615. These two men were big fish in a small pond. 

     The party was held on the lawn of the Searles home with about 150 people present. It was July and almost all the women wore white. A band played – probably the town band – and fireworks were set off. The invitation said no presents, but four willow rocking chairs were set down on the lawn and the couples led to them, a gift from friends.

     Looking up some of the men listed above who lived in small towns, C.A. Phillips was a pharmacist. S.S. Kirkpatrick was an attorney. On the other hand, P. L. Walker and M.W. Gilmore were farmers, the Walkers very active in the Grange, where they had many friends, probably more friends than material wealth. In general, however, it seems to be a phenomenon of the comfortably middle- and upper-middle class. 

Sources:

     “Crystal Wedding. A Pleasant Affair at the Home of Peter Byram, Esq.,” Atchison Daily Patriot, 23 Dec 1874, p. 4. 

     “Their Tin Anniversary,” The Atchison Daily Champion, 23 March 1877, p. 4. 

     “That Wooden Wedding,” The Leavenworth Times, 11 Feb 1879, p. 4.

     Judge Waters: Republican Record (Fort Scott, Kansas), 29 Jan 1880, p. 5. 

     “Crystal Wedding Gifts,” Wilson County Citizen (Fredonia, Kansas), 30 Dec 1881, p. 3.

     “The Wooden Weddings,” The Waterville Telegraph, 17 July 1885, p. 3.  

     Troutwines: The Winfield Courier, 12 Jan 1886, p. 2. 

     “Wooden Anniversary,” The Boomer (Ryansville, Kansas), 4 June 1886, p. 2.

     “Wooden Wedding,” Waverly News, 28 Oct 1886, p. 5. 

     “Wedding Anniversary,” Chase County Leader (Cottonwood Falls, Kansas), 28 July 1887, p. 3.

Copyright by Andrea Auclair  © 2024