How to Write the Perfect Victorian Obituary: All That Loving Hands Could Do

      

How do you write the perfect Victorian obituary? Follow these six simple steps! (Note: These are for adult obituaries. Children’s are another category, though these steps still apply.)

1. Use personification and/or euphemisms to describe death: For example, mention that one of the following entered the home: the Death Angel, grim friend, dread messenger, grim messenger, Great Destroyer and grim monster. (In spite of what people may think, “grim reaper” was seldom used.) Try out variations on, "The shadow of dark-winged Azriel passed over the home." Azriel or Azreal is the name of the "death angel" who carries souls to their heavenly home.

 In the same obituary, feel free to use as many euphemisms for death as you’d like. Some common ones include: heeded the Master’s call, crossed over the river, reached the golden shore, answered the final roll call (especially good for a Civil War veteran), entered the silent barque, gone up higher, climbed the golden stairs, took flight, and cut down in the bloom of youth. And there's more: the silver cord is loosened, the golden bowl is broken (from Ecclesiastes 12:6); gone to the land of rest; laid off the mortal and put on the immortal; and responded to the dreadful summons. You can also mention the “icy finger” or “icy hand” of death. 

2. Assure everyone that everything possible was done to try to save the loved one or to alleviate suffering. Be sure to use the term “all that loving hands could do,” and variations upon it. 

• “Several months ago it was evident that the dread destroyer consumption had marked another victim….All that kind and loving hands could do to smooth the pathway was done gladly and willingly; every wish was gratified…(Clara A. Foreman, 18; Friend, Nebraska; 1892)

• “All that loving hands could do and loving hearts prompt to stay the hand of the dark angel was performed, but the summons was too imperative.” (Charles Edgar Alexander, 35; Lincoln, Nebraska; 1896)

• “Yet with all that loving hands could do or skilled medical minds prescribe, she at last succumbed to that insidious disease and amidst loving friends passed peacefully.” (Anna McComber; Lawrence, Kansas; 1886)

3. Extol the virtues of the person's character. Today’s obituaries typically say little about character and list a person’s education and work experience. A recent trend is to include hobbies the deceased enjoyed. But to Victorians, nothing is as important as your character. Being “estimable,” “highly respected by all who knew him,” benevolent and  “highly esteemed” is important. Men should be described as a “kind and indulgent father,” if they had children (and most did). If female, some expression that she was totally devoted to home and family, and preferably retiring and self-sacrificing, is warranted. Most typically, the Christianity of the deceased was mentioned. Hyperbole was welcome and expected. They were faultless, blameless, the most esteemed citizen in town, known and loved by everyone. Examples:

•  “For one who lived so faultless a life, death could be no terror, but rather be welcome, as a white-winged messenger, to bear her sweet spirit to that sweet beyond…Her life was blameless. None knew her but to love her. She was always foremost in every good work. The welfare and happiness of others was always considered before her own. Home was the throne where she reigned queen, and wielded the royal scepter of love.There are few characters in which so many virtues were represented." (Mary E. Mitchell, 44; Geuda Springs, Kansas, 1890)

•  “…like a bolt of lightening from a clear sky came the summons, and the old veteran, lover of children, the friend of every man and woman of this city, was called to render his account of his earthly stewardship to his Heavenly Master. Not one person in the city, or among all that have known him, but will experience a pang of regret that such a beautiful nature has ceased to exist, and the kind words will never again be heard to issue from his lips, now cold and colorless in death.” (Joseph Hayden, age 61; Coffeyville, Kansas, 1895)

• “Her life was consecrated to the noblest aims. As a teacher, she ever won the respect and affection of her scholars. As a neighbor and friend, always helpful and true. In her family she was a perpetual inspiration and support. As a Christian, her whole life was so moulded and inspired by the generous, gracious, earnest and helpful spirit of her Lord, that all recognized in her the power of a Christian faith.” (Euretta “Retta” Hurlburt, 45; Kansas City, Kansas; 1890) 

4. Mention that suffering was born with patience and Christian fortitude. 

• “Her long sickness was borne with all the submission of a Christian woman upheld by the sustaining graces of her religion, and the supreme moment of departure brought no regrets to the departing soul – to her, death was but the celestial key which unlocked to her eager anticipation the supernal joys of Heaven.” (Rose Bulger, 61; Fawn Creek Township, Kansas, 1897)

• "His sickness was a long and painful one, but he bore it with Christian fortitude. He rose and fell, always getting weaker. He pitched and tossed like a great ship that wallows in the trough of the sea, now coming up, and her lights are seen, now down, until at last, she sinks beneath the waves....the doctor came and said there was no hope...he bore with fortitude to the end the pang and pain of death...with a manly front." (Hon. Isaac Caldwell, age 61; Louisville, Kentucky, 1885)

• "It has been her lot to suffer for many years, which she bore with patience and submission to the divine will, waiting for the rest into which she has now entered." (Abigail Hosford, age 76; Montpelier, Vermont, 1883)

5. Remind survivors to live their lives in such a way that all can be reunited in heaven. Throw in words about accepting God’s will in this death.

• “God in His all-wise providence deemed it best to separate their short but loving union [The deceased was a young woman who had been married for 17 months] and sent the cold angel of death to Nellie yesterday. She expressed her willingness to yield to God’s will.” (Nellie Ann McCandliss; Emporia, Kansas, 1889)

• “Let it be your daily prayer and highest ambition to meet her, with your children,  on the far-off golden shore….Thou Supreme One who rulest and moves in thy wondrous and mysterious way, grant that each of us may realize that our time here is but short and causes us to strive each day of our lives to meet the loved ones who are now singing praises to Him who has called them unto Himself.” (Mrs. Eugene Green - her own name was not given - age 28; Tescott, Kansas, 1887)

• "She called each of her brothers and sisters to her bedside, and bade them good-bye, saying life was as sweet to her as anybody, but she had to give it up, and was perfectly resigned to go." (Mattie West, age 16; Newnan, Georgia, 1893)

6. If the funeral has already been held, include testimony of the person’s worth and social standing. This is revealed by describing a large crowd in attendance, many flowers, and the presence of the fraternal organization or other organized group, who conducted their rituals at the grave site. How many carriages made up the procession is further evidence of the worth of the deceased.

• “The funeral cortege was one of the largest that ever proceeded to the St. John cemetery, which  testified that the departed was held in high esteem in this community and had a large circle of friends.” (Simon D. Smith; St. John, Kansas, 1890)

• “It was the most impressive funeral ever witnessed in this city.” The  Modern Woodman of America band, in full uniform and wearing mourning badges on their arms, led a procession through the city to the graveyard. Because the deceased was a member of this band, his tuba was draped in crepe and carried at the front by a member. The 1896 funeral was unusual in that it was held in church rather than from the home. When this happened, the decorations in the church were usually described in detail, and that was true here: his chair in church was draped in crepe; his “well-worn” hymn book laid upon it. There was standing room only in the church and “tears filled almost every eye.” The band again led a procession from church to graveyard, where the Modern Woodmen performed a ceremony.  (McGwin Graves; Coffeyville, Kansas, 1896)

• “Eighty carriages drove in the procession.” (Alex Flack, Abilene, Kansas, 1887)

• "This sympathy took as a medium of expression the form of floral testimonials, and there has never been a display equal to it in the city for quantity and variety. There were two beautiful floral harps, one contributed by Misses Hooker and Hough, her former teachers, the other by the young ladies of the Foreign Missionary Society. A most beautiful floral design representing an open Bible was an offering of the Young Men's Christian Band. [The parents gave a large floral display that said, "Our Mattie."] Added to these more conspicuous pieces were wreaths, pillows, crosses, stars, baskets and a beautiful lyre. The casket was covered and several tables were called in to hold the immense display....The procession was the longest ever witnessed in the city upon attendance of a young person. The number of private carriages was very large, indicating that the desire to show respect to the family pervaded all classes of society." (Martha "Mattie" Igleheart, age 20; Evansville, Indiana, 1879)

Several verses of memorial poetry was desirable - but that’s a topic for a separate post. Here's something to remember as you write a perfect Victorian obituary: there is no such thing as being too “over the top.” We’ll close with this sentence from Rose Bulger’s obituary: 

     “Full of years laden with the blessings and unnumbered deeds of charity and kindness her busy hands had conferred, rich in the love of her husband and children grown to noble manhood and lovely womanhood, the Christian woman, and beloved wife and mother has been snatched by the Grim Reaper, a very Rose of this world, but a rose, the purity and sweetness of whose nature the desolating frosts of life could neither destroy or impair, and transported at length to a celestial garden, where its splendor, in the providence of God, will never diminish nor its petals fade and wither.”

Sources:

 

  Cassidy, Cheryl M. “Dying In the Light: The Rhetoric of Nineteenth Century Female Evangelical Obituaries,” Victorian Periodicals Review Vol. 35, No. 3 (Fall 2002) John Hopkins University Press.

  Crespo Fernandez, Eliecer. “Linguistic Devices Coping With Death in Victorian Obituaries,” Revista Alicantina de Estudios Ingleses 20 (2007): 7-21

University of Alicante

https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/5dc6/99490d8159209630b4addc827828686da16c.pdf

  Laquer, Thomas. “Bodies, Death and Pauper Funerals,” Representations, No. 1 (Feb. 1983), University of California Press.

  Lutz, Deborah. “The Dead Still Among Us: Victorian Secular Relics, Hair Jewelry, and Death Culture, Victorian Literature and Culture, Vol. 39, No. 1 (2011), pp. 127-142.

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